I Want My Blankey!
By Texas Child Care

Sometimes it’s a blanket and sometimes it’s a stuffed toy that provides the comfort and calm that nothing else can. Loveys (formally called transitional comfort objects) are, for many children, an important prop in their emotional and intellectual development.

Loveys and Development

In their first year, children learn that they are separate, unique, and distinct people, a milestone in their emotional development. By the end of the first year, toddlers become mobile—taking the first steps toward independence. But children have mixed feelings about independence. It is natural and necessary, and also terrifying. A lovey has real emotional importance to a child. Like a true friend, a lovey is familiar, accepting, and faithful. It stands for Mother, a significant adult in the child’s life. It is the guaranty of safety and security; it promises a parent’s return. It offers the comfort of a soothing voice and a gentle hand.

With transitional objects, babies are able to control their own comfort. Rather than wait for adults to provide soothing cuddles, babies learn to sooth themselves. The lovey fills the space between the adult’s comforting functions and the child’s own. For example, some babies learn—and expect—to fall asleep in their parents arms, rocking in the same chair every night. When the routine changes, there is chaos. The baby finds no comfort in a babysitter’s arms or in the strange chair at Grandpa’s house. Babies who have learned to use transitional comfort objects can find comfort anywhere—as long as the lovey is with them.

Attachment to a lovey is usually the first indication that a child understands symbols, an important milestone in emotional development. It is a way of saying, "I can’t have you right now, so I’ll cling to this thing that reminds me of you and your love for me."

Lovey Users

About 60 percent of toddlers use transitional objects. Some children who don’t use loveys develop other self-soothing techniques like rocking back and forth or thumb-sucking. Temperament also seems to play a role. Some children have extreme responses to stressful situations while others are less sensitive to upset and have less need for a lovey.

Children usually choose loveys that have silky or nubbly textures because they offer sensory satisfaction. Blankets are frequently chosen because they are so familiar and at the child’s fingertips, right in the crib. Many children develop elaborate rituals with their loveys like turning a blanket until the "right" corner brushes a cheek or rubbing a teddy bears plastic eye. Smell is also important in a toddler’s choice of a lovey. This explains why washing a lovey is devastating to some children.

Loveys at Daycare

Occasionally, transitional objects challenge child care programs. Child-centered programs and responsive teachers, however, understand the need some children have for these transitional comfort objects. Avoid the rule that says "Nothing from home should be brought to daycare." Instead, let parents know that loveys are important to many children and can ease the transition from home to child care. Some programs ask that parents provide nap blankets—a piece of home for a time when a child needs comfort and security.

Children who rely on transitional objects are quick to recognize their significance in the lives of other children. Make it clear to the children that loveys are personal possessions and are not likely to be shared. Offer children a safe place for lovey storage—a cubbie or label shelf or hook, for example. When a lovey is misplaced, encourage the whole group to look for it . The lovey will be found in less time, and the group will learn a valuable lesson in compassion and empathy.

Children usually determine their own need for a lovey. You may or not be aware of special stresses that provoke the cry, "I want Horsey." Most children use their loveys during transition times. Char developed a strong attachment to her teddy when her new brother was born. Wender walks into the classroom every morning with his blankey wrapped around his arm. Hank looks for buttons at the end of the day when he knows its time to go home. Kara holds her snuggles only at naptime.

Every child has different needs that can vary during the course of the day. When children are tired, hungry, frustrated, or not feeling well, they may want their lovey, even after a long period of disuse.

Giving Up the Lovey

A child’s need for a lovey diminishes with the development of secure attachments to new people. Safe, protective environments help children feel secure and willing to take risks with unfamiliar people and situations. Make sure you are warm and welcoming but not overwhelming. Establish predictable routines that help children anticipate activities and events. Provide interesting and attractive materials and equipment that encourage involvement in the classroom environment. Allow children time to observe and move slowly toward interactions with people and materials. Never use a lovey as a punishment or reward for behavior.

Children do eventually give up their loveys, but there’s no certain age when this happens. With increasing intellectual and emotional maturity, they are able to use memory instead of a holey blanket or tattered stuffed animal to help cement their attachments to home and family. Demonstrate your respect for children’s struggles with dependence and independence—their need for the familiar and secure battling with the need for skill mastery and knowledge.

About the Author:

This article is reprinted from Texas Child Care, a quarterly newspaper published by the Texas Workforce Commission. Subscriptions may be placed by calling 512-441-6633, or writing Editor, Texas Child Care, P.O. Box 162881, Austin, Texas 78716-2881.

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Copyright © 2000 Texas Workforce Commission, All Rights Reserved Reprinted with Permission