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Bonding With Your Baby
Article By Shari Green, Childbirth
Educator
Think about falling in
love with your partner, and about making
a commitment--either officially or
not--to spend your lives together.
Whether or not you go on a honeymoon
trip, there would likely be a honeymoon
period when you spend as much time as
possible together, thoroughly enjoying
one another, exploring your love and
discovering new things about one another.
What a wonderful time!
As
a new mother, you’ve just embarked
on a lifelong relationship with a
wonderful, new little person. You’re
entitled to a honeymoon! Like a marriage
honeymoon, a baby honeymoon is a time set
aside for the two of you to get to know
one another and to fall more deeply in
love.
During
your baby honeymoon, you should not be
distracted by visitors, household chores,
or other commitments. This is a time to
focus only on the two of you!
(Unfortunately, the honeymoon can often
dissolve into chaos as exhaustion sets in
and difficulties and questions arise.
This is especially a problem when we don’t
have someone that we’re
comfortable with lined up to care for
our other children, to prepare meals, and
to do laundry and cleaning for us, and
when we are unaware of the many helpful
resources available in our community.
Planning ahead will pave the way for a
calm and beneficial honeymoon period.)
Just
as marital honeymoons come to an end and
the reality of change and adapting to
change must set in, so also your baby
honeymoon will end. You’ll gradually
return to many of the responsibilities
and activities of your “pre-baby”
life. Your partner will go back to
work--and perhaps eventually so will
you--and your mother (or whoever) will
leave. But you’ll be ready for it.
Having nurtured yourself, your baby, and
this new relationship for a time, you
will have given yourself a significant
headstart in your role as a mother.
If
you hit a stressful or difficult time,
try to arrange for another
honeymoon--even 12 or 24 hours of
uninterupted mom-and-baby time can make a
world of difference. This is especially
beneficial for establishing breastfeeding
or increasing your milk supply: you are
free to nurse baby as often as needed
while you and baby spend the day in bed,
nursing, sleeping, and enjoying one
another.
While
an additional “baby honeymoon”
may be the perfect solution at times,
consider too that you’ll need some
time for yourself, without the demands of
your infant. Be aware of your own
physical and emotional needs, and nurture
yourself intentionally. In her book, Mothering
the New Mother, Sally Placksin
outlines some mother-centered needs you
might have:
 the need for someone to talk
to--a good role model and listener
the need to focus inward
the need to feel dependent
the need to feel mothered
the need to talk about the
labor and delivery, or
the need to talk about the
adoption experience
the need to feel protected
the need to feel nurtured
the need to respect your own
vulnerability
the need for private time
the need for lots of praise
and encouragement
the need to pay attention to
your psychological and emotional states,
even if others aren’t doing so
Since
your partner will also need to spend time
getting to know this amazing new person,
you may be able to work together to
schedule time for mom while dad cares for
baby. However you manage to work things
out in your family, my wish for you is
that you thoroughly enjoy falling in love
with your child. Happy honeymooning!
About the Author:
Shari Green, 37, is a
Childbirth Educator and mother of four
(ages 14, 10, 7, and 2). In addition to
her interests in pregnancy, childbirth,
and parenting, Shari enjoys writing and
running, and she is active in her church,
working as a youth leader with junior
high students. You can read more of her
articles at Suite101.com.
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Copyright
© 2001 Kelly Feevey, All Rights Reserved
Reprinted with Permission
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